OK so I have recently realised that I am awful at breakups. Whether I am the breaker or the breakee I am completely shocking.
In my everyday life I am confident, strong, focused, together (most of the time) and I can hold my own. I also know right from wrong. But when it comes to matters of the heart, both mine and someone else’s, this other person sometimes comes out and I seem to struggle to keep myself in line. Or even close to a line.
In fact, when I’m really heartbroken, there’s a possibility that I should probably consider relocating…
To help other people who suffer the same (and hopefully talk some sense into myself) I’ve come up with a few rules for people to follow when they’ve had their heart broken.
1) Acknowledge that you’re hurting
One thing I have learnt over the
past few months
is that when your heart is
getting broken, it’s ok to admit that. You don’t have to pretend to be ok all of the time because at some point, you will crumble.
And it will not be pretty.
It’s ok to be sad.
2) Deal with it
Take time to deal with what you’re feeling. Watch crappy movies, eat pizza, get drunk – all of these in moderation though please (once you’ve recovered we don’t want you to have gained 10kilos and realise that your skin is so bad you look like a 14 year old).
Talk to your friends (not the person whom you have recently parted with – or their friends for that matter), talk to your family, whoever. Don’t hold it all in.
3) Surround yourself with the right people
Ok, so this tip is gold.
Make sure you have the following people in your life (I know – the person who just dumped you is all of these people but they no longer count)
Someone to cry with.
Someone to talk with.
Someone to laugh with.
Someone to totally distract you.
Someone to be real with you
If you have those five people, life will shortly begin to function as normal. And so will you.
4) Do not text/call/email/IM/tweet/FB message/etc etc them
Now this is where I am awful. I cannot help myself. “Surely my ex wants to talk to me, I want to talk to them!” says my irrational self to my more irrational self. “Of course they do” I say back. *slaps forehead*
No. They don’t. Leave them alone.
Depending on the circumstances, a “Hi, how are you?” once, a couple of weeks later may be ok. Nothing more. If it’s reciprocated, then reassess. Otherwise, keep your fingers firmly away from any kind of keypad.
5) Understand that if you sleep with the first person you see, it may not fill the gaping hole that now lives inside of you.
No matter how good fucking some random person (or someone you know) will feel, afterwards, there is a large possibility that you will feel empty, cold and alone.
If not, there are three possibilities:
#1: Sex makes you feel better about yourself (There’s a whole
psychological aspect that I could go into about this, but I won’t.)
#2: You did not feel as much for the person as you thought you did
#3: You already had feelings for the person you’re now seeing
Just remember, that while possibly one of the best things ever realised by the human race, sex may not solve all of your problems… (I know, I was surprised too!)
6) Spend time on you
Now this sounds wanky, and that’s because it is, but think about everything you love doing, and the things you stopped doing because your partner/gf/bf/wife/husband/squeeze didn’t like doing. Now do them! All of them!
Go to the movies to see trashy films, go to the movies to see non-trashy films. Go to the theatre, watch telly, or listen to music – your music. Read your favourite book in your favourite totally unsexy underwear, do the little things that make you feel good about yourself. You are worth it.
7) Remember that relationships change so this person may be in your life again
But don’t count on it and don’t push it. No one likes a desperate broken hearted ex-girlfriend bitching about them, and your friends don’t want to hear about it either.
On the flip side though, remember that if they broke up with you, they can’t be that great, so please don’t sit and talk about how amazing they are all of time. #1, your friends don’t want to hear about it and #2, if they don’t realise how fucking amazing you are, they can’t be that great.
8) Stop doing the following:
Don’t go to the same restaurants, take the same walk every Saturday morning, or go to those special places you enjoyed together. It’s creepy and weird.
Because you’ll either be disappointed because the person is not there, or you might see them there which could be awful.
Get yourself some space.
Also, stop thinking about how it’s a shit time of year to have just broken up with someone. It’s always a shit time of year.
Embrace your amazing singleness and love it.
9) Don’t forget to do the following:
Go dancing – everyone feels better once they’re on the dance floor, friends around them, tunes blazing, strobe lights-a-blinding.
Laugh – it is the best medicine.
And finally… remember why you let yourself fall in love and make sure you remember that it is always worth it.
If you follow my simple 9-point step to a break up, I can 100% guarantee that it may not be as hard as it would be if you did the opposite to all of those things.
Now hopefully I can teach a couple of the points to myself!